Fast Bites Cheeseburger

Brandon MorganFrozen Food8 Comments

Fast Bites Cheeseburger

There is no food more American than a cheeseburger. Reportedly first created in 1926 by Lionel Steinberger, who at the age of 16, topped a sizzling hamburger with a slice of cheese in his father’s Pasadena sandwich shop, The Rite Spot. The rest is history!  Americans now consume on average 3 hamburgers per week, or in total 50 billion per year. And with the popularity of the cheeseburger, I’m pretty sure it’s safe to assume a majority of those 50 billion burgers are of the cheeseburger variety.

Fast Bites Cheeseburger boxOhio based AdvancePierre Foods, known for lines of products serving the food service, convenience store, and school lunch industries, has taken the humble cheeseburger and packaged it into an inexpensive frozen meal.  On the face of it, this seems like a great idea. Many foods can be conveniently frozen, shipped around the globe, and re-heated to deliciousness.

Cheeseburger in Package

Out of the box, the pre-cooked cheeseburger comes in a plastic wrapper designed to not only protect the food, but work in aiding the reheating process.  The unopened wrapper contained a fair amount of condensation, particularly around the slice of “cheese product.”

Frozen Cheeseburger
Per the instructions, I opened one end, and microwaved for the requisite 80 seconds and cool down period of 1 minute.  The heated burger smelled of old grease, much like you would expect to find in a stove’s grease trap on a sweeps week featured Kitchen Nightmares episode.

Heated Cheeseburger
While the cheese product had melted on the burger, it did not really change state from solid to liquid as cheese typically does.  Instead, it mutated into something more firm and orange than it’s original appearance, while managing to fuse itself to the bread and meat.

As expected with microwaved bread products, the bread felt moist and dense.  Cutting in half revealed the grease from the burger had soaked into the bread in places where the cheese had not fused itself, and gave the bun an almost uncooked look near the meat.

Cheeseburger Split in HalfThe burger itself tasted like musty old bicycle tires and last nights regrets.  At times though it seemed it lost flavor as I ate it.  I don’t know if it actually did lose flavor, or much like a victim of trauma, my brain was compensating for the assault of shame in my mouth.

The meat (if that’s what it actually is) was tender, but the combination of microwaved bread and cheese made for a taffy like chew while still being soggy due to the built up condensation in the packaging.  My mind struggled to reconcile this dichotomy of soggy and chewy. How can two such different experiences be experienced at the same time?

Notably, this cheeseburger has inspired what may be a new foray into jingle writing as I’ve penned this catchy number about the Fast Bites Cheeseburger…

One questionably-beef patty, no sauce, just cheese (product) – on a microwaved sesame seed bun



  • Execution
  • Appearance
  • Taste


America’s fondness for the hamburger coincide’s with a fondness for convenient foods. And while someone with a busy life style may reach for the Fast Bites Cheeseburger, they’re better off making a trip through the McDonald’s drive through.

Overall, the idea here works, but just barely… so it saved some points on the execution side of the score. The appearance and taste however could have faired much better.

8 Comments on “Fast Bites Cheeseburger”

  1. These guys sound like CNN. Show you a horrifying pictures here and another right there. Dog on it until kingdom come, then give it a rating like their opinions matter.

    Give real reviews not based on the “cheese product” and an exaggerated smell that’s not really there.

    P.S. When you guys cut the burger in half, there was no grease on the bun. Also, that’s how bread feels when it gets microwaved.

    Do reviews based on how long it will get you through your work day or how nutritional it is.

  2. A way to make these slightly better (texture-wise, anyway–this is with a 1000w microwave):

    Cook like it says (in the wrapper, opened one end) for about 35-40 seconds
    Take out of wrapper, take apart, set buns aside (check them in the middle with your finger. If they still feel frozen pop them in by themselves, separated, for 10-15 more seconds or until just warm)
    Cook patty by itself for another 45-50 seconds then put back on buns and put together

    They don’t necessarily TASTE any better this way (assuming no toppings are added), but the bun won’t (or shouldn’t, anyway) have that weird soggy/chewy texture.

  3. I tried one and it was ok Good late night munch or if you need a quick lunch at work,
    As I bought 3 of them I will next try with removing the “cheese product” and add a piece of land-o-lakes deli cut white American cheese. yum.

  4. This guy is full of it. I have tried the cheeseburger, hamburger, chicken sandwich, and the spicey chicken sandwich. They are all good as long as you dont over cook them.

  5. I wouldn’t touch that garbage with a bargepole. Great burgers are cheap and easy to make in a home kitchen.

    I use 1/3 to 1/2 pound of grilled 80/20 ground beef chuck (best flavor), grilled sliced sourdough bread, mayonnaise, Dijon mustard, sliced dill or sweet pickles, hickory smoked bacon, sliced grilled purple onion, sliced avocado, tomato and cheddar cheese and crisp iceberg lettuce. A side of pre-cooked, frozen French fries or onion rings is baked or fried, then dipped in a mixture of ketchup and mayo. A delicious combo.

    At our mediocre neighborhood coffee shop that, plus French fries, is an outrageous $23.00 USD with taxes and a pre-calculated tip! Onion rings, soft drinks, tea or coffee are $2.75 extra.

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